just things i saw in my dream. explained.

 for my own records, max and i broke up on june 10. and im pretty sure its going to stay that way..... it just seems like the right thing to do at this point in my life is to be single. The truth is that if im going to have a boyfriend, i want it to be serious. I dont want a part time boyfriend who's with me every other day or every other two days (which is what we had). If i'm going to have a boyfriend its gonna be a serious relationship where i see him almost every day (like lisa and joe, susie and charlie and every other damn couple i know). Plus, theres the whole trust issue. I cant trust max at all. he lied to me about so many things. Not only just pot but of silly things that didnt even need to be lied about! Like the time when he was supposed to go to New Jersey to Jeremys house. i called him and he didnt answer. So then i called mike and mike didnt anser. So i had to call rob and the convo went like this: me- "are you with max?"  rob- "no, im at home. last time i was with max i was with him and mike skating in tottenville high school. last time i checked they were still there. did you call mike?" me- "yeah, he didnt answer. Did he mention anything about going to NJ?" rob- "no, they didnt mention that, but maybe they went when i left. call up jeremy." me- "Okay, thank you. bye" So then i call up jeremy and he says "no, i havent seen max in weeks. And i dont have plans to see him today. Did you try rob or mike?"  So. Max was lying. So then i finally drive to maxs house to pick him up cuz we were sposed to go bowling with susie and charlie and he was at robs house. getting high. So i called him out and asked him what he did. and it went: max- we went to jersey. me- "oh yeah? you sure you went to jersey?" max- "yeah. skated and chilled at jeremys" me-"no you didnt. tell me the truth" max- "yes i did. im telling you the truth." me- "you went skating in tottenville instead" max- "no i went to jersey" me- "max i know you didnt cuz i called up rob and he said you and mike were skating in tottenville and i called up jeremy and he said he didnt see you all day and he didnt have plans with you" max- "okay. youre right i didnt go." me- "WHY the fuck did you lie to me?" max- "it just seemed easier to do thn to tell you the truth and explain it. I'm also sick of the anticipating whethere he's gonig to come over or not. He always says he will but sometimes, alot of times, he either shows up hours late or doesnt show up at all. I'm sick of the pot/marijuana/weed almost every night. im sick of the drinking every weekend. I'm even more sick of his ciggarette addiction. I'm sick of the lies, the flashbacks of him lying, the fact that i cant trust him. I'm sick of always having to hang out with his friends on a saturday or friday night when i want it to be just me and him. I'm sick of him always asking me if i want to hang out with them when they can hear my answer over the phone. I'm sick of Alexis most importantly. I'm sick of how he thinks my music is bad. IM SICK OF THE SHITTY MARS VOLTA. Im sick of having to pay for myself. Im really disapointed in how he does in school- just passing and just maknig graduation. Im upset that he wants to take the first semester of college off cuz he doesnt want to take a class during the summer (which he has to take cuz he did so poorly on his placement test). Im sick of him not having a job. Im disgusted by the fact that he used fake urine on his bloodtest to get a job as a forklifter for his mother's boyfriend.  Im sick of our terrible communication. if we were to get married, when we got old we'd have NOTHING to talk about. I'm sick of his stubborn and selfish ways. Im sick of him always being right. Im sick of "me always stating the fights" im sick of how he NEVER SAYS SORRY. I'm sick of waiting for his calls. Im sick of being unhappy when just 6 months ago, for the first year of our relationship i was head-over-heels in love with him. 

I'm pretty sure i can finally stand on my own two feet again, without having to have him close by.

i woke  up this morning and i felt ca-ca-ish, okay, ill just say i felt a lil sick. but its all gone right now...i think. i only got  5 and a half hours of sleep. My parents plus susie and charles are on vacation in BTL and i chose to go on a different weeked. Last night i hungout with David till 5 ish lol. we saw Dont Mess with the Zohan. and if David didnt laugh through the whole thing it definitly would not have been as funny. My highlight of the night was when the movie was starting and i went to  put salt on the popcorn Dave was holding and instead on the salt pouring on the popcorn its poured all over his pants. LMFAO. i was dying. For some reason it still is one of the most funniest things in the world to me. God. Only me lmao. Where Max wouldve been like, "Kate what the fuck" Dave just laughed hysterically along with me.

 Speaking of Max, two nights ago he went to take a practice drug test (cuz he needs o take one in order to get the job with his mothers boyfriend as a forklifter in NJ) and he failed. Definitely cuz of all the dumb ass fucking pot he smokes. He bought this thign thats supposedly the same ph level as drug-free urine so he was gonna use that one on the test. He was supposed to take that test yesterday. BUT as his usual self, he did not call me ONCE yesterday. And the night before he didnt call me to say goodnight. but he went a full day without calling me...... i havent talked to him in a day. wow. 

Anyway, heres the apology letter bryce sent me in email:

 Soooooo. i know i have been majorly lagging on the updating. ive just been a little busy lately. So heres an update:

1. Bryce now hates me and ended our friendship outta nowhere for no apparent reason other than "he just doesnt wanna be my friend anymore" and how he ended it was pretty immature. basically me him and chris were sposed to go play pool and he wanted me to pick him up from his friends house (where ive only been to once or twice) and i asked him if he could meet me at pathmark cuz itd be easier. He screamed no and i asked him again and he got all pissed and screamed "Fuck you" and hung up on me. I then called him back and asked him why the fuck he would hang up on me and he told me to drop dead. His exxact words, "Drop dead katie, drop dead". Out of nowhere!!! So fucking weird.  so yeah.  and he told my sister he doenst wanna be my friend anymore. how immature.
2. Pathmark has this new policy where we have to wear collared shirts to work....fine. thats okay. but they also have a no facial piercing policy. Which is total bullshit. So  now i have to wear a retainer (clear piercing) in my monroe. fucccck >=[ im so angry about that.
3. I like a puerto rican kid at work. im attracted to him, we hang out. Hes not gangsta thou. hes normal and he doesnt like black people and only goes out with white girls lol. Hes really nice and funny. and cute haha. And as of now our relationship is good cuz he has a gf and i have a bf. hahahaha. we're not kissing or dating. its a platonic relationship. We just go to the park or mall or eat together......and flirt sometimes. and talk on the phone....thats it =]
4. Max is trying to get this job for which he has to take a drug test so he cant smoke pot for awhile haha
5. lisa, justine, shelly and i are planning a trip to seaside soon. well be staying at national park so itll only be 5 dollars a night for each of us and well be staying in a tent =]

this summer ive been hanging with shelly and chris and max (separately) alot. all in all thats it....

this is the link to the avett brothers myspace page, im seeing them july 2 in asbury park, nj with lisa. you are invited, and id love for you to come=]
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=4858210

i'm ashamed that my father is racist.

its terrible that they would let me be with a terrible guy just cuz hes white than to let me be with a great guy just because of his nationality or where he lives.


the world we live in is just not fair.

 http://www.infectiousthreads.com/big_lolita_skirt.htm

and i want a snood!!!

 thank God for Shelly<3

she broke up with shahrukh and we have plans to hang out alot this summer<3333 i have a girl friend!!!!!!!!!!

Finals is coming up, this coming Wednesday is the last day of classes. then we have finals week, and i only have one final that week =]

Im currently researching information for my 5 page research paper for theater thats due Wednesday, Im writing about Vaudeville.
Heres an example of what Vaudville is:
http://xroads.virginia.edu/~MA02/easton/vaudeville/baboon.mov

As you can see, its basically little skits that are ust entertaining.

After watching that skit, i reallllllllly really reallllllllly want a baboon for a pet! He's so cute!!!!!

Oh, and July 2 Lisa and I are going to see The Avett Brothers in Concert!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM SO FUCKING EXCITED!

I m so sick of max saying "not this week, next week" and then when next week comes he says "no cant do that today, next week" it pisses me off